Once upon a time, the royal big sister had braids placed all over her head.
One day she decided she was tired of them and wanted them removed. The royal great grandmother was called all the way from the West Coast of that Great Land. Her royal job was to remove the braids from the royal big sister.
The royal great grandmother worked and worked, strand at a time, trying to return the royal big sister’s hair to its original state.
Soon the royal big sister grew tired of this agony.
She called the royal hairdresser, who removed all the braids by cutting and washing the royal big sister’s beautiful locks.
Alas, the royal big sister lived happily ever after, well somewhat happy for several minutes.
Once upon a time, Big Brother ate grains and nuts a’plenty.
While Big Sister was looking pretty and talking on the phone.
All the while, Cinderella was tirelessly sweeping the floor.
Alas, Cinderella has found the golden hat. She no longer must toil and slave. The golden hat will bring her wealth and happiness, though it will be difficult for her to see where she’s going with that big hat on.
These stories don’t end happily ever after like they used to. But we came as close as we could.
This unlikely story took place in the unlikely city of Cincinnati, Ohio.
If you can’t find a good fairy tale, try reading Ebenezer and Ninety-Eight Friends.