Once upon a time, Big Brother ate grains and nuts a’plenty.
While Big Sister was looking pretty and talking on the phone.
All the while, Cinderella was tirelessly sweeping the floor.
Alas, Cinderella has found the golden hat. She no longer must toil and slave. The golden hat will bring her wealth and happiness, though it will be difficult for her to see where she’s going with that big hat on.
These stories don’t end happily ever after like they used to. But we came as close as we could.
This unlikely story took place in the unlikely city of Cincinnati, Ohio.
If you can’t find a good fairy tale, try reading Ebenezer and Ninety-Eight Friends.